The process of owning who I am
I recently took the Enneagram test and shortly afterward found myself down the rabbit hole of the 16 Personalities and the Myers-Briggs. The Enneagram is an identifying system that helps participants better understand their innate motivations and tendencies. After taking the test, I couldn't get the information out of my head. I was and still am so, so thirsty to understand myself.
I read a book by Ian Cron titled The Road Back to You and when I journal in the mornings, it’s all about wrestling with my identity. If there’s anything I’ve learned since having kids, it’s that I’m pretty much totally confused about who I am.
Motherhood has fundamentally led me to question my identity more than any other single thing in my life.
Do what you can with what you have where you are. - Theodore Roosevelt
Ever since I can remember, I've had a heart for the underdog. According to my mom, I made friends with this little boy in daycare and doted on him day in and day out and was heartbroken when our time together in daycare ended. As a kid, I remember often feeling afraid and insecure around kids who were considered popular until someone else was threatened.
In elementary school at St. Sebastians in Milwaukee I spit on a kid who was teasing a friend of mine so I was put on the wall for a 'time out' of sorts during recess. Later on in middle school in Marion, Ohio I managed to confront a bully face to face and convince our mutual friends to leave the bully at a table by herself to sit with me. These instances were years ago but they feel like they were yesterday. The feeling of needing to do something for someone just seems so timely.
Now that I'm in the midst of these moments and weeks and years of raising little kids, I keep finding my heart reverting back to its roots of just caring a lot about those around me. I don't know if my adolescent years or post-college years were just filled with a lot of selfish career-chasing seasons or maybe my head was stuck in my phone... There's something really familiar and like a reunion with my old self as I find my mind and heart really working out the issues of the day and how I can be a force for good.
I strongly disagree with the Trump administration's zero-tolerance policy at our borders
As a Christian, I can’t keep passing by opportunities to stand up for those around me. As a Mother and a Foster Mom, it’s impossible for me to see a policy so clearly incur pain on innocent children.
And, lastly, as a conservative, I cannot condone the Republican party’s support of the zero-tolerance policy being a message of deterrence for illegal immigration.
I’m not naïve to the complexities of governmental systems. Our elaborate government branches provide checks and balances to and from different agencies. Getting ‘things done’ in Congress isn’t a cake walk. We, as a people, have serious disagreements as to how we should act as a country that draws illegal immigration at the rate that it does. That’s fine. That’s how democracy works—a beautiful alignment of different opinions striving toward compromise.
I get it. Policies and laws are always more complicated than they seem.
Except when they aren’t.
One year ago today, we welcomed 'A' into our home.
After months of preparation and countless prayers, our home of one husband, one wife, one toddler, and a dog was soon to be the new home of a child in foster care.
The time had come and on March 13, 2017, around dinner time, on a work night, we were introduced to a four-month-old in a white onesie in our living room.
It's June 2017 and we're more than a few weeks into one of the biggest life changes Nick and I have every committed to as a couple.
In the life of parenthood, the weeks since receiving our foster care license and celebrating our son's first birthday have been the biggest, most spurring we've every encountered.
From a practical perspective, it's been a lot of teething, late nights, runny noses, logistical nightmares, new experiences, career stresses, and new cars. From a heart perspective, it's been a lot of soul searching, biting of tongues, grace-giving, and deep breaths.
We wouldn't trade this journey for anything. I hope these photos put as big a smile on your face as they do ours.