When I thought about being intimate with you after having our boys, I was insecure about my body and wondered if I would still be attractive to you. What was going on in your mind as you looked forward to time together after I gave birth?
Honestly, I just didn’t want our kids to cry or wake up. Just being with you without the kids was super appealing—I didn’t want a crying baby to ruin that.
Did you have any reservations or assumptions about sex after kids?
In a lot of ways I assumed we would just pick up where we’d left off. I figured, our son was out of your body so I just assumed you’d be comfortable and feel like your old self.
I was unaware of the transition period you’d have between giving birth and finding your new normal with your body.
If you could go back and give yourself advice, what would it be?
Since it takes nine months to make a baby it can take that much time, if not more, for a body to get back to normal. I wish I would’ve recognized how hard that transition might be for you and shared, verbally, how attracted I was (and am) to you no matter your size.
What do you tell new dads when they welcome their first child?
I don’t tell them anything. Baptism by fire! I’m kidding.
I try to tell them what helped me the most:
What could I have done differently as we welcomed each of our children into the home? Like, knowing my personality, limitations, and what our life is like--where did I fall short as a wife?
Maybe help me schedule more dates. Like, I would love to take you out—just having it scheduled on our calendar would’ve helped me stay on top of it. You're better at the calendar.
You commented on breastfeeding and my experience of being over-touched in the first article, noting how both of those sections are very important. Is there a perspective you want to share?
I just learned that feeling over touched is a real thing and breastfeeding our children is just a variable you have to consider when you want to be intimate. Guys—don’t take it personal when your wife needs space.
You’ve been incredibly open and vulnerable in this Q/A and the last article. Any last words of wisdom that you’ve gleaned from the last few years?
Having a stop-gap for intimacy in our marriage has been a game changer. I know I can look forward to some 1:1 time on one particular day of the week if we haven't had the time to connect in a few days.
At the end of the day, I think it’s just key to not take all of this too seriously. Levels of intimacy ebb and flow. We just need to stay connected and love each other well.