A road toward self acceptance and increased self awareness
About this time last year, I entered a cloud of loneliness in friendships that often left me begging Nick to explain to me why I felt like I was 'too much' for everyone around me. My closest friends were and have remained the people I met in grade school, high school, and college. There are a handful of exceptions-- and to those fierce women-- I am so grateful.
But last year, all I could see in front of me was the time I spent with other people who I just couldn't totally click with. Everything about us was congruent on the surface but I felt like I was holding myself back and just couldn't sink in to a genuine friendship. Then, I took the Enneagram and as trite as it sounds, my perspective shifted and the clouds literally parted.
The enneagram is a personality test, unique in its prescription of what motivates your soul. Taking the enneagram test helps promote better self awareness and if used altruistically, can help you better interact with your closest family and friends. In many ways, it’s helped me rewrite the self destructive habits and self talk I’ve piled on in my brain for years.
I took the enneagram test (RHETI) through The Enneagram Institute for $12 and then listened to The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile.
The enneagram has a bit of a mystics’ history. You can read more here. The test has a powerful ability to peel back our own perceptions of ourselves and guide us closer to our intended relationship with God. Reading Ian Crohn's book was a must-do after taking the test so I could take what I learned and get a better sense of what to do with the information gained.
So what has this meant for me? What have I gotten out of it? All the things, guys. Allll the things.
I took the test and measured as an 8 wing 7. The exact description of this ‘type’:
Overall, reading the results of the enneagram test were like the freshest drink of water I’ve ever had. It is no small feat to speak to my heart in the way this test did—the results literally gave my soul the hug it has craved in so many instances of pubescence and adulthood.
Eights are often plagued with the feeling that we’re ‘too much’ for people and we can’t ‘let our whole selves be known by those close to us.’ I can say firsthand that I have been faced with this reality at every single step of my life. The last 20 months has made this challenge all the more painful as a foster parent wading through the unknown waters of advocating for children and working with a system and families that are broken.
When I read The Road Back to You, I literally cried through the whole chapter dedicated to my number because it just spoke volumes to reasons I have developed into this person—and how I can better harness my strengths and respond to my weaknesses.
There’s not much more I can say on the subject other than share this incredible tool. I implore you to consider the test’s options for your self awareness.
Once you take the test, hop on to Instagram and follow the folks listed below for a daily does of self acceptance, truth speaking, and virtual high-fiving.
Have you taken the test before? Tell me all your thoughts! Or join me on Instagram by looking for the quote above in my feed and tell me your number!